What the ........??!!

A list of things and people who make me go "What the ........??!!"

1. You gain weight south first but loose it north first. (Murphy's law ???)
   
   
2. Men who hold hands in public. (and if its only 1 finger they are holding aagghh!!)
   
   
3. Women who start baby talk when ever they see a good looking man enter the room. (What are they trying to do attract pedophiles?)
   
   
4. People who still say "Mein whon na"? (Kya Ho bhai ab bata bhi do?????)
   
   
5. People who are like tubelights (they take forever to start)
   
   
6. People who are like tubelights without starters. (they.. just.. don't.. start)
   
   
7. Women who ask me "How did you land your husband?" (Well first I made sure the wheels were out, and the wings were straight, for HEAVEN SAKES what is he a Boeing 747?)
   
   
8. 20 somethings who call me aunty!! (Cheeky blind apes)
   
   
9. Men who always finish thier sentences with "Do you understand"? (No sir, me dumb female, DUUUH, Drool Drool)
   
   
10. People who don't like chocolate, Whoopi Goldberg and ME!!! (You'll see how lovable I am, just let the initial shock wear off)
    
    
11. Bleach blonds and green contacts (My dear sisters, there is 'asian' in 'caucasian" but it's not us)
    
    
12. Stupid girls who scream "Allah did you get your eyebrows waxed?" (Why don't you take out a radio ad, you dumb ass)
    
    
13. The weighing scale (Every saturday I go WTH??)
    
    
14. Men who think when Allah said lower your gaze, he meant 6 inches below my face.

Note : This list will be updated regularly. Please keep visiting. Cheers !

Unwanted Attention

I was just over at Inspirex's blog and he is really steamed at strangers adding him to their Orkut list. Reading that I remembered a guy who used to give me missed calls on my cell expecting me to call back (He did not even want to spend a few bucks). As I never call back on numbers I don't know so I never called him back too.

After 2 months of blank calls (he was either persistent or did not have a life). He finally decided to spend a few bucks and send me a SMS.

Him: I am Nasir from Mianwali.

I replied: I am MIAN WALI.

Silence ever since!

Lata and Rafi helped me clean my desk

I am in the office. It's a my working saturday. We get alternate Saturdays off. There isn't much to do on Saturdays. I usually catch up on my reading. But today I forgot my book at home. I was thinking what should I do till 5:30. Then I decided to clean my desk, and file the mountain of paper in my in/out and all about tray. So listening to Jagjit, Lata and Kishore I have finally finished the filing and now my desk is clean.

But it's only 2:00 pm, what am I to do. I think I'll download Rafi and Asha and they can help me till 5:30.

Interview Bloopers

One thing that is contastly on the rise in our company is the employee turnover. I have trained so many CS representatives that I can now recite the training material in my sleep. Due to the same reason I have had to conduct a lot of interviews. During these interviews some of the responses that I got were hilarious. Read on all of them are absolutely true. Due to the low salary structure they are all usually fresh people with no customer service experience.

Me: Why are you applying for customer service?
Reply: Because my brother said anyone get a job in Customer Serivce.
(He proved his brother wrong)

Me: What do you think a customer service department does?
Reply: It services a customer.
(Now this guy had a nack for stating the obvious)

Me: What do you know about this company?
Reply: Nothing
Me: Then why did you apply?
Reply: My father asked me to.
(I told him to send his father for the interview)

Me: What is the reason for leaving your last employment?
Reply: (Lady candidate) It was not entertaining, I used to get bored.
(Well none of my guys was ready to dance for her so I had to let her go)

Me: Why do you think you are suitable for customer serivce?
Reply: 'cus I am creative
Me: How does being creative help in CS?
Reply: 'cus I am creative
Me: Well then give me a creative reply!
Reply: Like I say I am creative.
(This guy claimed to be fluent in English too)

Me: So it says here your hobby is body building? Why just body building?
Reply: Because "chicks" like it. With a wink
( I used record number of *bleeps* in one sentence that day)

One lady came for an interview with her mother. I can maybe understand her coming to the reception. But the girl insisted that she sit in the interview too. Do I need to say more?

One pretty little thing came with her boyfriend. The boyfriend walked in (John Travolta style), informing me and the HR officer that he wanted to see if there were respectable people working here or not. His tushy was kissing the side walk before his hip could swing one more time.

One lady called me on my cell and told me that she was having trouble finding the office. I asked her where she was standing. It turned out that she was standing right across from our office. So I asked her if she could see the bungalow with our 3 signsboards on it, yes came the reply. And before I could say anything she said are you in the same bunglow? I asked her to go home.

I have enjoyed these bloopers and hope that these people wisened up before their next interview or chances are they are still unemployed.

Family and friends

The past week was a blur. Furniture shopping, getting pictures framed, planning a dinner for Saturday and my son had fever. But my husband and I managed. The drawing room looked good, the food did not burn and cake was devoured shamelessly (my husband baked it) . The dinner was to celebrate my birthday (15th June) and our wedding anniversary (18th June). But most of all it was to invite friends over. The gap between get togethers is becoming longer and longer. Everyone is busy with work, family, and everything in between.

I remember when Shabbir (My husband) and I were the only ones married in the group and had not become parents yet, we used to just get up and go to our friends place anytime. We would eat, watch movies, talk, play video games all night. But things changed and so did we. Nonetheless it is comforting to know that we might not call each other every week, forget to wish each other on birthdays, and not visit in ages but we are best of friends. And we will be there when it matters most.

What a pleasure it is to have good friends.

It's my birthday ! Whohoooo!

I am 30 years young today. 3 decades under the belt. I have been receiving birthday wishes from loved ones since last night. My darling hubby was the first one to wish me at 1201 am. Then my Mom, my grandma, my sister, now its my colleagues. I tried coxing my 2 1/2 year son to say happy birhtday but he refused (he's got fever so is a little cranky) E-cards are pouring in....

Like last year my staff has given me a "surprise" birhtday tea party. They brought a nice cake and goodies. They called all the managers and colleagues. They actually sang the birthday song!!! They are darlings. A very happy start to my day. A million thanks to Allah for surrounding me with such love and warmth.

Atleast ask us for tea

I had an interview today. Yeh! looking for another job. The interview time was 10:30 am got there on time and waited for an hour! It's not the first time I have experienced this. Why is it that even after such progress in Human Resource sector, companies can still not manage decent interviews. They will call you one day before the interview, giving you no time to make up a good story to tell your boss. They will never tell you what post they are calling you for, I am a manager but I still have blind HR execs calling me to fill in a Call Center agents job ????. They will call you at 10:30 and make you wait till 11:30. Atleast ask us if we want tea or a glass of water.

I never have people wait when they come in for an interview. But I think it is too much to ask companies to respect other people's time. They think that if they are calling you for a job interview, you have to be desperate enough to wait as long as they please. Well somethings just take time to get better.

The customer is not always right

If I have to speak to one more shi....y, braty customer today, I will blow my top. This is one of those days. Days when nothing seems to go right, and all the idiots are drawn to you like ants to honey.

I have been a customer service professional for 6 years now, and I still get ticked off by not angry but rude customers. And what takes the cake is when the customer has the I.Q. of frozen yogurt, puts on the most horrendous american accent (why don't they take their foot of their tongue before speaking) , and telling you how your company should operate. Then they will patronize you by saying 'Please don't mind" "I am sorry but". UUUUgh. And the Begum Saheb's .......... aaah the begum saheb's the biaaatches of Pakistan. They will not let you forget for one minute how things are done in US, UK, or whatever other country their husbands ship them off too.

I sometimes wonder what would be in a customer service professional's heaven. I can think up of a few

• An ACD that can recognize a rude, obnoxious customer and give him an electric shock to deter him from calling again.
• Head phones that go la la la la as soon as the customer shoots off profanity.
• Power to put a curse on someone.
  
• Your worst and most demanding clients all switch over to the competition
  
• You get a gold coin everytime the customer says "I'll sue your company".
  
• Enough budget to take out a 'supari'.
  
• At the end of each shift you are given a full body massage.
  

Wouldn't this be nice! Well have to get back to work.